You glamorize, idolize, and worship a person because of your own pleasure. You receive such an addictive and pleasurable feelings from that illusion that you ignore all negative real feedbacks that suggest that your idol is not perfect (and sometimes is even grotesquely flawed). The real problem is that you do not want to let that beautiful illusion disappear because those illusions are the source of your comfort. But a healthy reaction would be that you separate the person from the ideal beauty that that person was representing in your mind. In other words, you should separate W1 person from the W2 image of that person in your mind. You should tell yourself "that I still love the beautiful image of that idol that I created in my mind (W2 image), but that person (W1 entity) was not even close to the idol that I really love. I will continue to search for such an idol" and " I am thankful that the flawed person was a conduit that helped me to create such a beautiful W2 image, but I avoid this person from now on because If I keep in touch with such a flawed person, I enter the realm of love and hate."
Why the realm of love and hate? Because after disillusionment, you start to focus on the flaws. This flawed idol makes you angry, confused, or even mad. On the one hand, you love that idol because it has been a source of addictive pleasure for you for such a long time. On the other hand, you hate that person because he or she caused you pain. This person destroyed parts of your castle of thoughts, your self-confidence, and your self-image. You blame yourself and doubt your own sound judgment because you chose such a flawed person. Moreover, all these make you pessimistic toward your future relationships. Continuing to see the flawed person destroys the perfect mental idol that you have created. You need to keep that standard of beauty (and the image of an angel) as an aspiration for your future relationships and as a beacon of hope for future. After all, these dreams and hopes (even illusions) are our only source of extreme pleasure and hope. Even unrealistic dreams can serve us. Many times, we dream the world, as we want it to be, not as it is. However, if we easily proved wrong, we suffer much more.
1 comment:
Portraiting a perfect image of their lover’s and putting it on the real lover is not a healthy thought. They make a limit to their lovers and themselves. It is destined to end with disappinting. Earlier confront the truth, earlier recover from fantacy.In some kind of meaning, there is no good qualities or bad qualities of a person, all are personal features. If you guys’s characteristics are perfectly fit for each other, then you are perfect couples. Even both of you are some kind of quirky or even kind of evil in others’s eyes, but you understand each other, and appreciate each other authentically and sincerely.
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